Giving and Receiving Feedback

The dreaded conversation. Whether you need to have it with your direct reports, peers, boss, or Board — it can be difficult to deliver a hard message. Below are a few practical tips to make the conversation as constructive and effective as possible. So get rid of the “compliment sandwich” and consider the following feedback model to your leadership toolkit.

Step 1: Ask for Permission | Ask before giving unsolicited feedback because you want to make sure that the recipient is in the right headspace to receive it. You want to avoid providing feedback while angry or upset, the feedback is about something they can’t control, or giving it publicly in front of others. Try the following:

• “Are you open to some feedback?”

• “Is now a good time?”

• Pay attention to the space

Step 2: Provide the Observation | Be specific and speak from your own observations. Avoid exaggerating for emphasis or effect, speaking for others, or generalizing (e.g., “You always…you never…”)

• Give the context

• Use your own observations

• Be ready with specific examples

Step 3: Explain the Impact | Provide the through-line from their action to the impact. Avoid labelling, judging, or characterizing and try to be as fact-based as possible.

• Be clear in the direct linkage

• “It made me feel…”

• “What happened was…”

Step 4: Pause | This is crucial. Let the words sink in. It may be the first time they are hearing it and they might feel defensive. Some people have a hard time sitting in silence, but try if you are one of those people.

• Pause

Step 5: Reflect together | Ask what they are thinking and whether they have any questions. This gives them the opportunity to speak from their own experience.

• “What are you thinking?”

• “How is this landing with you?”

• “Is there anything I can help clarify?”

Step 6: Moving forward | Just like Step 1, ask if they would like to hear some suggestions or recommendations. They may need more time, and that’s OK. If they are not ready to hear recommendations, they won’t be receptive to anything you have to say anyways. During this part, suggest specific actionable behaviors to change and bring them into a conversation. Avoid giving a laundry list of suggestions and using phrases like “You should…”

• “Would you like to hear how I might respond if I were in your shoes?”

• “Would it be helpful if I provided some advice?”

• “I think you might be more effective if you tried…”

• Ask what ideas they might have

Be clear and don’t overthink it. People want to evolve and grow, and there are ways to set the stage to create an empathetic environment to do so.